{"id":1110,"date":"2011-04-20T15:00:09","date_gmt":"2011-04-20T22:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hotnerdgirl.wordpress.com\/?p=1110"},"modified":"2024-02-29T09:51:13","modified_gmt":"2024-02-29T09:51:13","slug":"attack-of-the-top-10-sci-fi-mustaches","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/2011\/04\/20\/attack-of-the-top-10-sci-fi-mustaches\/","title":{"rendered":"Attack of the Top 10 Sci-Fi Mustache’s"},"content":{"rendered":"

There comes a time in every man\u2019s life when he has to decide whether or not he wants to sport some facial hair.\u00a0 Trends have come and gone but one style remains a classic.<\/p>\n

The mustache.<\/p>\n

Some men prefer a classic lady tickler, others are more creatively inclined.\u00a0 The 80\u2019s sparked what I like to call the \u201cpornstache.\u201d\u00a0 Heck, all four of my male parental units have maintained a crumb catcher at some point.<\/p>\n

In honor of great mustachioed men, here is my list of the Top 10 \u2018staches of Sci-Fi:<\/p>\n

10. Guy Fleegman \u2013 Galaxy Quest<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

"Who looks like a tool? I look like a tool. ALL RIGHT!"<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

We\u2019ll start with the spoof, shall we?\u00a0 Poor Guy, he had a bit part in his favorite sci-fi show and therefore became convinced he was doomed to die a redshirts death after he follows the crew aboard the Thermian\u2019s NSEA Protector<\/em> in an attempt to defeat the evil alien warlord Sarris.\u00a0 Instead, he helps save the day and becomes Security Chief “Roc” Ingersoll.\u00a0 See what a mustache will do for you kids?\u00a0 It\u2019s like MAGIC.<\/p>\n

9. Zed \u2013 Zardoz<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em>
There are no coincidences.....<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Sporting a red monokini and a fu manchu, Sean Connery tests the waters of science fiction with a confusing plotline and a trusty revolver.\u00a0 Supposedly Zed is the perfect man, the result of eugenics experiments (he could pass for Khan\u2019s brother, yah?) created to save mankind.\u00a0 His inspiration?\u00a0 The Wonderful Wizard of Oz<\/em>.\u00a0 No shit.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get it yet? \u00a0The God is named Zardoz as in WiZARD<\/span> of OZ<\/span>.\u00a0 Yup, pretty much.\u00a0 The best part about Zardoz is what he teaches: \u201cThe gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the Earth with a plague of men, as once it was, but the gun shoots death, and purifies the Earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth . . . and kill!\u201d<\/em> Seriously, you can\u2019t make this shit up.<\/p>\n

8. Admiral Adama \u2013 Battlestar Galactica<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em>Normally Bill would be higher up in the list of anything and everything but since he only rocked his mustache when Laura Roslin wasn\u2019t there to see it (aka about 3 episodes), he\u2019s back at #8.\u00a0 While his people were slowly migrating to New Caprica and his kid was busy getting fat in the face (but not really anywhere else which was really weird), Bill decided that the best way to alleviate his boredom would be to grow a mustache.\u00a0 If my mission in life were suddenly gone, I\u2019d be tempted to grow one too.\u00a0 As soon as life got back to it\u2019s scary, running from the toasters, normal self, the mustache came off and everyone (and I mean everyone) went back to the look they were sporting a year prior.\u00a0 I think it was their little way of saying \u201cFuck you New Caprica, we never liked you anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

7. Lt. Hiram Coffey \u2013 The Abyss <\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em>Why do the movies always make Navy SEALS look like jackasses?\u00a0 I\u2019ve known a few Navy SEALS in my life (including one that was smaller than me and, no joke, sported a mustache) and let me tell you, you have to be a smart and focused son of a bitch to make it in their ranks.\u00a0 Ok, I\u2019ll get off my soapbox now.\u00a0 Lt. Coffey is a Hollywood Navy SEAL trigger-happy jackass who dies trying to kill something (NTI\u2019s) that he doesn\u2019t understand with a warhead despite the fact that everyone around him is telling him to calm the fuck down.\u00a0 His one redeeming quality?\u00a0 A kick ass \u2018stache.<\/p>\n

6. Prince Barin \u2013 Flash Gordon <\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em>& Neville Sinclair \u2013 The Rocketeer<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em>
Totally not photoshopped....<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em>Hot damn Timothy Dalton, you really love your fanny duster, don\u2019t you?\u00a0 Timmy gets a double mention for these two beauties.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll start with Flash Gordon<\/em>.\u00a0 I\u2019m not gonna lie, I heart me some Queen and they did most of the soundtrack for this 1980\u2019s film starring former Marine and Playgirl centerfold Sam J. Jones as a football player who gets rocket propelled into space and has to deal with alien drama in order to save Earth.\u00a0 Like typical boys, Flash and Prince Barin have to fight each other before they realize that they can get more done if they team up.\u00a0 Boys are so dumb sometimes.\u00a0 They git-r-done and Timmy is made King.\u00a0 Yay!<\/p>\n

In The Rocketeer<\/em> Timmy switches sides and plays the bad guy.\u00a0 Neville Sinclair is a dashing actor who just happens to be a Nazi spy.\u00a0 Sporting a much more stylish mustache than his fuehrer, Neville meets his end after escaping a burning Zeppelin on a stolen rocket, and then crashing into the last four letters of the Hollywoodland sign (you always wondered what happened to those last four letters, didn\u2019t you?)\u00a0 The source of his demise?\u00a0 Chewing gum, of course.\u00a0 Take THAT you Nazi bastard!<\/p>\n

5. Wikus \u2013 District 9<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

"Excuse me, but do I have something in my eye?"<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

With a name like Sharlto Copley, you don\u2019t even need a mustache to be cool.\u00a0 But it can\u2019t hurt.\u00a0 Poor Wikus van de Merwe.\u00a0 All he wants to do is impress his Father-in-Law.\u00a0 Instead he gets alien jib sprayed in his face and loses that glorious mustache as he slowly mutates into a prawn.\u00a0 At least he learns how to make flowers out of scrap metal.\u00a0 Always looking on the bright side Wikus, it\u2019s what I like about you.\u00a0 That and your weird South African accent that isn\u2019t quite British and isn\u2019t quite Australian.<\/p>\n

4. Wellington Yueh \u2013 Dune<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em>Dean Stockwell is a personal favorite of mine having starred in Dune, Quantum Leap, and Battlestar Galactica.\u00a0 For Dune he whipped out his trusty magic marker and drew on a rockin\u2019 mustache.\u00a0 Just for good measure, he threw in a spiffy red dot right smack in the middle of his forehead.\u00a0 Yueh is a Suk doctor who has been trained to obey some kind of crazy futuristic Hippocratic Oath.\u00a0 That is, until his wife gets kidnapped and he throws all of that right out the window, betraying and ultimately destroying his patron.\u00a0 He sort of redeems himself in the end but it\u2019s too little too late.<\/p>\n

3. Shepherd Book \u2013 Firefly<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Some people have issues with Book\u2019s hair while it\u2019s in its natural, gloriously poufy state.\u00a0 However, I\u2019ve yet to hear one complaint about his mustache.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because it\u2019s awesome and even River can\u2019t deny that fact.\u00a0 I have no idea if the tea strainer is required by his religious order or not but I\u2019m pretty sure it could help even the most hardened prostitute find religion.\u00a0 Don\u2019t believe me?\u00a0 Watch \u201cHeart of Gold\u201d and ignore the fact that a madman with a battery-operated ray gun is coming after them.\u00a0 Told you so.<\/p>\n

2. Lando Calrissian \u2013 Star Wars<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em>Ok, so totally bizarro, but every time I think of Lando Calrissian I think of the song \u201cRico Suave.\u201d\u00a0 Seriously. What. The. Fuck.\u00a0 I know it\u2019s not rational and yet it happens every time.\u00a0 I think I need electroshock therapy or something.\u00a0 I\u2019m just going to point to this definition of suave over at Urban Dictionary and be done with it.\u00a0 Anyhooters\u2026back to Lando aka friend\/traitor\/friend to Han Solo.\u00a0 Don\u2019t judge his actions until you\u2019ve got Darth Vader all up in your shiznit.\u00a0 For all we know, Boba Fett threatened to shave off his epic mustache.\u00a0 That, my friends, would have been a tragic facial hair FAIL.
\n
\n1. Montgomery Scott \u2013 Star Trek<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em>
Scotty nice mustache!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Scotty may not have grown out his nose neighbor until later than life but he still gets the top spot on my list.\u00a0 Why, you ask?\u00a0 Because it\u2019s my God damn list.\u00a0 And because, above all else, I heart Star Trek and because Jimmy Doohan was arguably the most talented actor in the entire cast.\u00a0 He was the source of many voices, many characterizations, and was even the original inventor of both the Vulcan and Klingon languages.\u00a0 He\u2019s also the only person on this list whose ashes have been shot into space\u2026actually I think he\u2019s the only one who has died\u2026but whatever, the point is, he has earned his spot at #1.\u00a0 And he rules.<\/p>\n

Scotty mean mustache! GRRRRRR!!!!!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There comes a time in every man\u2019s life when he has to decide whether or not he wants to sport some facial hair.\u00a0 Trends have come and gone but one style remains a classic. The mustache. Some men prefer a classic lady tickler, others are more creatively inclined.\u00a0 The 80\u2019s sparked what I like to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[45,109,121,249,258,280,287,330,333,348,395,442,480,565,599,662,673,697,762,809,838,850,852,885,896,947,980,1002,1067,1078,1106,1107],"class_list":["post-1110","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-list","tag-admiral-adama","tag-battlestar-galactica","tag-billy-d-williams","tag-dean-stockwell","tag-district-9","tag-dune","tag-edward-james-olmos","tag-firefly","tag-flash-gordeon","tag-galaxy-quest","tag-guy-fleegman","tag-hot-nerd-girl","tag-james-doohan","tag-lando-calrissian","tag-lt-hiram-coffey","tag-montgomery-scott","tag-mustache","tag-neville-sinclair","tag-prince-barin","tag-ron-glass","tag-sean-connery","tag-sharlto-copley","tag-shephard-book","tag-star-trek","tag-star-wars","tag-the-abyss","tag-the-rocketeer","tag-timothy-dalton","tag-wellington-yueh","tag-wikus","tag-zardoz","tag-zed"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1110","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1110"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1110\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1110"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1110"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1110"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}