{"id":1725,"date":"2011-07-06T21:20:15","date_gmt":"2011-07-07T04:20:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hotnerdgirl.wordpress.com\/?p=1725"},"modified":"2024-02-27T09:47:36","modified_gmt":"2024-02-27T09:47:36","slug":"autobots-roll-out-bitches","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/2011\/07\/06\/autobots-roll-out-bitches\/","title":{"rendered":"Autobots! Roll out bitches!"},"content":{"rendered":"
Help me, Optimus Prime. You're my only hope!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I saw Transformers: Dark of the Moon<\/em> a week ago today.\u00a0 Normally you would have seen a review of it the very next day but this was not a normal week.\u00a0 Laryngitis decided to rear its ugly head and, literally, by the end of the movie I went from having that\u00a0sexy Kate Mulgrew\u00a0voice you get when you\u2019re sick, to barely being able to squeak when I tried to speak.<\/p>\n

Brilliant.<\/p>\n

Needless to say, I went to the doctor and was promptly quarantined for a week.\u00a0\u00a0 My voice is slooooooowly coming back (instead of nothing coming out, I can sort of croak\u2026like a frog\u2026) and my mental capacities are returning (No, thank YOU antibiotics).<\/p>\n

Anyhooters, back to Transformers<\/em>.<\/p>\n

[youtube=http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=3H8bnKdf654]<\/p>\n

Ok, I\u2019ll admit it, I kind of dig Michael Bay.\u00a0 I always know what I\u2019m going to get and really, we need a person like Michael Bay to make movies full of explosions and boobies (not always in that order).\u00a0 That\u2019s not to say I like everything he\u2019s ever directed.\u00a0 FAAAAAR from it.\u00a0 But I\u2019ve gotten a kick out of the Transformers<\/em> trilogy (that might be a slight exaggeration when it comes to Revenge of the Fallen<\/em>, but whatever).<\/p>\n

Just sayin'<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I\u2019ll admit something else.\u00a0 I\u2019m not a big fan of the animated movie (which is set in 2005 by the way).\u00a0 Don\u2019t hate me.\u00a0 Sure, it had Orson Welles (Unicron is not to be confused with Unicorn<\/a>) and Robert Stack in it, but it also killed off Optimus Prime in the first five minutes and forced us to follow some dumb kid (Daniel Witwicky instead of Sam) and a new Autobot named Hot Rod (voiced by Judd Nelson no less) that looked more like Barbie\u2019s dream car than a bad ass Transformer.<\/p>\n

But I digress.<\/p>\n

This time around MB decided to throw every celebrity he could at us.\u00a0 I won\u2019t even try to list them all.\u00a0 Seriously, it was ridiculous.\u00a0 Awesomely ridiculous.\u00a0 McDreamy as a villain?\u00a0 Hellz yeah! Homoerotica with Mr. Chow?\u00a0 Yes pleaze!\u00a0 Taking orders from Marge Gunderson?\u00a0 Oh, yoo betcha!\u00a0 Every scene had another one. \u00a0My favorite has got to be John Malkovich.\u00a0 He was pretty much continuing his Marvin Boggs character from RED<\/em> <\/a>but holy shit did he make me LOL.\u00a0 As for the oldies but goodies, it was totally retarded how they brought Lennox, Simmons, Epps, etc, etc \u00a0all back together but whatever.\u00a0 It IS Michael Bay we\u2019re talking about.<\/p>\n

On to more important things.\u00a0 Like Victoria\u2019s Secret models.\u00a0 Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (hereafter RHW because fuck no am I going to keep typing out that long ass name) is a tall skinny pile of walking sex.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to admit to yet another tidbit.\u00a0 I\u2019ll take RHW over Megan Fox any day of the week. Her function may be to stand there and look pretty but at least she does it with class.\u00a0 I cracked up every time they referred to the crazy bitch that dumped Sam sometime between this movie and the last one.\u00a0 If you ask me, Sam got the better end of this deal.\u00a0 I mean, RHW is so hot she has superpowers.\u00a0 Somehow, she\u2019s magically able to survive a collapsing skyscraper with perfect hair and nary a smudge on her perfect face or her white skinny jeans.\u00a0 She also convinced Megatron that he’d end up, and I quote, Sentinel’s “bitch” if he didn’t beat his ass right now. “Oh no he di-ent!”<\/em> Superpowers I tell you!\u00a0 My one beef with good ol\u2019 MB and his hot little ladies?\u00a0 The fact that they\u2019re always running around in high heels.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to go out on a limb and assume that I speak for all my fellow females out there when I say: FUCK THAT.<\/p>\n

She likes bunny wabbits<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I\u2019m just admitting all kinds of crap tonight, but here\u2019s another one. \u00a0Shia LaBeouf cracks me up.\u00a0 No really, he does.\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty sure that Sam Witwicky and I were separated at birth.\u00a0 We\u2019re both klutzy and sarcastic and dorky as all get out.\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t want to date him but I\u2019m pretty sure he\u2019d be the most awesome gay best friend ever.\u00a0 Ok, that\u2019s all I have to say about Shia.<\/p>\n

Now to the most important part\u2026the Transformers.\u00a0 Sadly underused as usual.\u00a0 One of these days MB is going to make a movie where they have more than 5 minutes worth of dialogue.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get me wrong, the fight scenes are EPIC and I could sit there and watch them all day (especially in IMAX 3D like I did last week) but he doesn\u2019t give us any opportunity to really get to know them.\u00a0 Not even Bumblebee.\u00a0 I watched the cartoon growing up so I can fill in the blanks but how do the laymen even tell the difference between some of these robots from outer space?\u00a0 All I\u2019m saying is that when you have a voice on tap like Peter Cullen\u2019s\u2026use the heck out of it.<\/p>\n

Uhhhh...this is a Deceptibot...right...?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Going back to the animated movie\u2026the one thing it had going for it was Leonard Nimoy as Galvatron (aka all the Decepticons mushed together by Unicron).\u00a0 MB decided that Lennie should be rebooted as Sentinel Prime and that Sentinel Prime should be rebooted as a fucking BAD GUY.\u00a0 What. The. Fuck.\u00a0<\/p>\n

To top it all off, MB gave him a face that was some kind of eerie hybrid between Spock and Captain Jack Sparrow.<\/p>\n

Parlay?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Seriously.<\/p>\n

Bizarre.<\/p>\n

But nothing can make me stop loving Leonard Nimoy.\u00a0 Especially when he does stuff like this just for shits and giggles:<\/p>\n

[youtube=http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=dULOjT9GYdQ]<\/p>\n

At least\u00a0he had Lennie say the\u00a0seminal line from Star Trek II: “The good of the many outweigh the\u00a0needs of the few.” And that was only one of MANY Star Trek references (God Bless you Michael Bay).\u00a0<\/p>\n

All in all I thought it was a fun ride.\u00a0 Lots of explosions and boobies.<\/p>\n

Does anything else in life really matter?<\/p>\n

I think not.<\/p>\n

3.5 out of 5 sci-fives!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I saw Transformers: Dark of the Moon a week ago today.\u00a0 Normally you would have seen a review of it the very next day but this was not a normal week.\u00a0 Laryngitis decided to rear its ugly head and, literally, by the end of the movie I went from having that\u00a0sexy Kate Mulgrew\u00a0voice you get […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[28,11],"tags":[580,786,1017],"class_list":["post-1725","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-movie","category-reviews","tag-leonard-nimoy","tag-review","tag-transformers-dark-of-the-moon"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1725","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1725"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1725\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1725"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1725"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1725"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}