{"id":2587,"date":"2012-01-24T12:46:30","date_gmt":"2012-01-24T20:46:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hotnerdgirl.wordpress.com\/?p=2587"},"modified":"2024-02-28T09:29:54","modified_gmt":"2024-02-28T09:29:54","slug":"underworld-awakening-reviewed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/2012\/01\/24\/underworld-awakening-reviewed\/","title":{"rendered":"Underworld: Awakening Reviewed"},"content":{"rendered":"
These are some of my kick ass friends. No, you can't have them.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

If there is one thing I love it\u2019s badass chicks beating the crap out of people, or, in this case, people and Lycans. My friends told me to be honest (most of them thought it was the worst of the four Underworld <\/em>movies) and it\u2019s true that there was virtually no plot line in Underworld: Awakening <\/em>but honestly, I didn\u2019t really care.<\/p>\n

Give me hot chicks in rubber (or leather, or latex, or whatever the hell that awesome shiny black material is that they squeeze her into) give them a few semiautomatic weapons, and I’m a happy camper.<\/p>\n

I have no idea what this outfit is made of but I like it.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Plus, even though they thought it was the weakest link, we all agreed that it was super fun to watch. As per usual I spoil the shit out of things. So tread carefully if you don\u2019t want to be, uh, spoiled.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t see Rise of the Lycans<\/em>\u2026which is really weird because I pretty much never miss a chance to watch vampires onscreen, but I was assured by my friend Hannah that this was ok since #3 was a prequel. Luckily, I HAVE seen Underworld<\/em> and Evolution<\/em> so I\u2019m good with the whole Selene\/Michael R&J-esque romance storyline.<\/p>\n

[youtube:http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=tUcrbUCWKQc]<\/p>\n

–<\/p>\n

Awakening<\/em> starts off by describing The Purge, a time when the human race decides that genocide is a fantastic idea (cause it\u2019s worked out so well in the past) and attempts to eradicate all non-human people\u2026maybe I missed it but how did the humans find out about the Vamps and the Lycans? And how pitiful are 99.9% of these supernaturals?! They just sit around and let themselves be killed by humans instead of being all super human strengthy and opening up a can of woop ass on those soldiers like every other movie monster would have done. I mean come on guys, grow a pair for God\u2019s sake.<\/p>\n

Wow. Just...wow.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Kate Beckinsale is in fine form as Selene. I mean, really, I would kill for that girl\u2019s legs. I just plain love watching girls kick ass but I know that some people get their panties all up in a bunch when they see scrawny little starlets in fight scenes. But she\u2019s a vampire so even the naysayers must admit that she gets a pass. Personally, I think Miss Kate is one of the most gorgeous women on the planet. The girl\u2019s got that icy cold vampire stare down pat and is the real reason to watch any of these films (Bill Nighy was previously a close second). She even gets naked! Well, I think<\/em> she does\u2026my friend Meghan thinks it was CGI\u2019d and my friend Nick backed her up by pointing out that her skin looked a heck of a lot like Hermione\u2019s did in Ron\u2019s horcrux vision in HP7p1.<\/p>\n

He obviously runs with Klingons<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I don\u2019t know what is keeping Scott Speedman so busy that he could only be in the movie for 2 minutes via old footage and body doubles. It certainly isn\u2019t because of a Felicity<\/em> reunion (which I would totally watch btw). So what gives Scott?? They are obviously hoping that he\u2019ll return for #5 since the movie ends with them determined to find him. Michael\u2019s absence opens up the door for \u201crandom vampire hottie with a crazy knife\u201d David (Theo James from UK\u2019s Bedlam<\/em>). He\u2019s really only there to fill the pretty boy void and to look wistfully at Selene who is totally hung up on the boyfriend she was with only YESTERDAY from her point of view. It will be interesting to see where that <\/em>relationship goes in the next installment.<\/p>\n

This time Selene\u2019s got a daughter (India Eisley)\u2026now, this is where they really lose me. I vaguely remember something about Viktor killing his daughter because she got knocked up by a Lycan (right?) and they don\u2019t really explain how Eve (seriously, could they have given her a more clich\u00e9 name?) came about so while watching the movie I just assumed that she was a test tube baby because the last time I checked vampire women couldn\u2019t have babies (Edward and Bella don\u2019t count, she\u2019s human). I can see how a Lycan would have viable sperm but aren\u2019t vampires supposed to be all, I dunno, undead and frozen in time and stuff? Wouldn\u2019t all of her little eggies be undead too? And if she were pregnant during The Purge wouldn\u2019t she have said something while she was talking about her and Michael escaping? Mentioning an unborn child that needs saving seems like it would have been pertinent information.<\/p>\n

Anyhooters, so Eve\u2019s a hybrid like her Daddy but thanks to Selene she\u2019s a triple threat vamcanortal (I should really copyright that) and I have to admit, she looks freaking badass when she in fighting form. Like Abby from Let Me In<\/em> but even better. BTW, have any of the movies explained why the Hybrids are blue? I kept thinking that Nightcrawler was going to show up at some point.<\/p>\n

Please tell me I'm not the only person who sees the similarities here<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Stephen Rea (I\u2019m sorry, he\u2019ll always be Santiago to me and I just can\u2019t picture him as a werewolf) is the papa wolf Dr. Jacob Lane aka the bad guy. He\u2019s the scientist everyone turns to during The Purge but his motivation behind finding a cure for vampirism and werewolfism is nefarious. His son Quint (Kris Holden-Ried from The Tudors<\/em>) is the big bad wolf. A giant Jekyll & Hyde-type monstrosity who is immune to silver thanks to Daddy\u2019s injections of Eau de Eve. Not gonna lie, he\u2019s pretty awesome to look at in either form.<\/p>\n

Oh! And check that out, I managed to squeeze in some of Selene's butt. You're welcome.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I totally thought that Detective Sebastian (Michael Ealy) was going to end up being a vampire since he could sense Selene and his eyes are blue. But alas, it turns out his wife was a vampire and he just has really cool eyes. Personally, I think it would have been way cooler to have had a vampire cop hiding in plain sight for the past 12 years but these movie producers don\u2019t want to listen to me so meh.<\/p>\n

Charles Dance (Game of Thrones<\/em>) plays Thomas, David\u2019s Dad and resident Vampire Elder post-Purge. He doesn\u2019t like Selene, not one bit, and makes sure she knows it. That\u2019s pretty much all he\u2019s good for in this movie but I hope we see more of him in #5 cause I really like Charles Dance.<\/p>\n

Do they make vampire viagra? Maybe then he'd like her more.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

All in all the plot (what there was of one) had more holes than Swiss cheese but it had an insane amount of gratuitous violence and totally bad ass shots of Selene jumping, fighting, shooting, scowling, putting on a jacket, etc. etc. so it was worth the price of the movie ticket.<\/p>\n

3 out of 5 Sci-Fives!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If there is one thing I love it\u2019s badass chicks beating the crap out of people, or, in this case, people and Lycans. My friends told me to be honest (most of them thought it was the worst of the four Underworld movies) and it\u2019s true that there was virtually no plot line in Underworld: […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[5,28,11],"tags":[172,460,531,559,602,639,836,840,909,991,1034,1035,1036,1045],"class_list":["post-2587","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fantasy","category-movie","category-reviews","tag-charles-dance","tag-india-eisley","tag-kate-beckinsale","tag-kris-holden-ried","tag-lycans","tag-michael-ealy","tag-scott-speedman","tag-selene","tag-stephen-rea","tag-theo-james","tag-underworld","tag-underworld-4","tag-underworld-awakening","tag-vampires","post_format-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2587","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2587"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2587\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2587"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2587"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hotnerdgirl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2587"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}