I’m giving up caffeine.
I’ve decided that I’m far too dependent on it and I will be controlled by no one and no thing.
So how’s that working out for me?
Well….today is the first day and I have decided that I’m going to figure out a way to pull my brain out of my head through my left eye socket and toss it in a blender because anything has got to feel better than the agony I’m in right now.
To be perfectly honest, I’m a little surprised I can form complete sentences at the moment.
Oh, Dr. Crusher, I need you and your magical little hypospray. A quick little scan with your medical tricorder and all would be well in the universe.
No seriously, shoot me up with something Beverly. I don’t care what it is as long as my head stops throbbing.
Captain Janeway feels my pain:
Captain Janeway: Coffee. Black.
Neelix: Uh, sorry Captain but we’ve lost two more replicators this morni—
Janeway: Listen to me carefully, Neelix, because I’m only going to say this once. Coffee. Black.
I’ll admit, coffee isn’t my thing. I like the smell but can’t stand the taste. My vice is brown pop. Coke, Pepsi, RC cola, whatever, I don’t care as long as it’s not diet and it can be pumped directly into my veins. I drink it every morning without fail. Red Bull and Rockstar got me through college. “What Professor, you need a 20 page paper about the burial practices of the Xinguanos tribe by Friday? Excuse me while I whip out my 40oz. can of Monster and I’ll be right on that.”
Captain Picard goes for Earl Grey tea (hot, in case you didn’t know). It’s a black tea and is therefore caffeinated albeit less so than coffee or Coke. I’ll drink it in a pinch but I gotta say that it tastes like ass (sorry Brits). I’ve gagged down two mugs of the stuff today in an attempt to lesson the effects of my caffeine hangover and so far it hasn’t helped a whole lot.
The irony here? I’ve never had an actual hangover. It’s true. It’s my Super Power. I can get liquored up to my hearts content and feel fit as a fiddle come morning. But a day without caffeine and I want to shoot myself in the face.
So yeah, with the exception of a few Star Trek references, this isn’t exactly a nerdy post semicolon however coma it’s pretty much all I can think about at the moment so I’m going with it. I’ll let you know if I succeed or fail in my anti-caffeine mission.