No caffeine makes Hot Nerd a dull Girl

My cat and I say EFF YOU CAFFEINE!! OkIgobubyenow

I’m giving up caffeine.

I’ve decided that I’m far too dependent on it and I will be controlled by no one and no thing.

So how’s that working out for me?

Well….today is the first day and I have decided that I’m going to figure out a way to pull my brain out of my head through my left eye socket and toss it in a blender because anything has got to feel better than the agony I’m in right now.

To be perfectly honest, I’m a little surprised I can form complete sentences at the moment.

Oh, Dr. Crusher, I need you and your magical little hypospray.  A quick little scan with your medical tricorder and all would be well in the universe.

No seriously, shoot me up with something Beverly.  I don’t care what it is as long as my head stops throbbing.

Captain Janeway feels my pain:

Captain Janeway: Coffee. Black.
Neelix: Uh, sorry Captain but we’ve lost two more replicators this morni—
Janeway: Listen to me carefully, Neelix, because I’m only going to say this once. Coffee. Black.

I’ll admit, coffee isn’t my thing.  I like the smell but can’t stand the taste.  My vice is brown pop.  Coke, Pepsi, RC cola, whatever, I don’t care as long as it’s not diet and it can be pumped directly into my veins.  I drink it every morning without fail.  Red Bull and Rockstar got me through college.  “What Professor, you need a 20 page paper about the burial practices of the Xinguanos tribe by Friday?  Excuse me while I whip out my 40oz. can of Monster and I’ll be right on that.”

Captain Picard goes for Earl Grey tea (hot, in case you didn’t know).  It’s a black tea and is therefore caffeinated albeit less so than coffee or Coke.  I’ll drink it in a pinch but I gotta say that it tastes like ass (sorry Brits).  I’ve gagged down two mugs of the stuff today in an attempt to lesson the effects of my caffeine hangover and so far it hasn’t helped a whole lot.

The irony here?  I’ve never had an actual hangover.  It’s true.  It’s my Super Power.  I can get liquored up to my hearts content and feel fit as a fiddle come morning.  But a day without caffeine and I want to shoot myself in the face.

Go figure.

So yeah, with the exception of a few Star Trek references, this isn’t exactly a nerdy post semicolon however coma it’s pretty much all I can think about at the moment so I’m going with it.  I’ll let you know if I succeed or fail in my anti-caffeine mission.


Remmick, I know exactly how you feel


8 responses to “No caffeine makes Hot Nerd a dull Girl”

  1. Hi-larious! This one is a fav for me. Nothing like personal pain to get comic relief.

    Earl Gray? Terrible tea. There are about 999 kinds of tea that taste better.

    I am so proud of you for cutting caffeine out of your life. The daily headaches are horrible and it takes days, weeks for them to slowly subside but once your brain is clean, you’ll feel great.

    1. Glad you found it amusing LOL. I know, Earl Grey really is awful. I’m switching to Good Earth.

  2. Dear HNG,

    I’m so proud of you.
    Saying “good by” to Nicotine, Caffeine, Sugar and Sugar-substitutes
    is a brave step into a much larger universe of
    -greater stability,
    -greater lucidity,
    -greater longevity and
    -superior immune response.

    Once you’ve gone completely cold turkey
    the withdrawal symptoms should vanish in less then 72 hours.

    If you need help with the headache
    I can do a remote energy-healing
    just contact me at http://www.FaceBook/LamaJigme

    May you and yours be happy and healthy.

    Om Mani Padme Hum,
    Lama Jigme

    1. I’m with you on the sugar-substitutes, they are terrible. I’ve never been into those. I really appreciate your offer but I think I’m doing ok. So far so good today at any rate. Although if they keep drilling into the construction zone right below me I may have to take you up on your offer! Thanks for the support, it is very much appreciated! 🙂

  3. semicolon however comma….

    i love a good hidden Stempson reference =] sorry the caffeine kicked your ass today, but remember, it is just one battle in a war that you will win!

    so say we all!!!

    1. Life simply isn’t complete without a Stempsonism or two!

  4. Hey HNG, sorry to necro this, but just thought I would toss a couple thinks your way.

    1. I quit caffeine when I was in my early 20s. I used to have a nightcap of Mt. Dew to help me sleep. If I didn’t, I would get horrible headaches. Some people thought I was drinking too much caffeine (Start the morning with 40 oz of cappuccino, then 40 oz of Mt. Dew during lunch, and a steady supply of Mt. Dew allllllll niiiiight looooong). So yeah, I quit. I’m sure by this point you know what that was like. Not fun.

    2. My second point is something that I feel if I did not warn you about, I would curse myself forever. I, like you, had the super power of no hangovers.

    Until I turned 30.

    I got my 1st one a few months before my 30th bday. And it sucked. Oh good lordy it sucked. But surely it was just a fluke, yes? Yes.

    Until about 5 months later when I got another one.

    Then I started getting them once every 2-3 months.

    To make a long story short, I turned 32 in March, and now I get them about once a month from drinking.

    Maybe my me telling you this you will be able to avoid my fate.

    If not (and really, the whole point to my post), know this: A hangover feels a lot like quitting caffeine. =/

    Good luck!

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