What Every Nerd Bar Needs

hot nerd girl bartender with background

You could copy Ten Forward, duplicate the bar on Tatooine or “cmd-c” any famous nerd bar but those would all just be facsimiles. And while they would be awesome, I thought it would be better if somehow a bar could be created that, while totally being a nerd bar, could just as easily pass as a normal bar. You can order beer, wine or a little Romulan Ale without beating people over the head with patrol Car 718’s night stick.

Patrol Car 718 "Spock you out" from FuturamaSo here are a few things that I feel would be excellent subtle replacements for items you find in bars all around the world.

Sports Jersey: A lot of bars have jersey’s of famous players on their walls, right? So what kind of jersey would be in a nerd bar? Since we’re going for subtle I’m not sure how good it would be to have a Caprica Buccaneers jersey up there because it just seems too overt. I’m thinking we go with something reeeeeeally obscure. Like a Buck Bokai jersey perhaps? You can all name the episode of DS9 that it’s from right? Ok good 🙂

Buck Bokai from Deep Space Nine

Weapon Above Fireplace: To replace a normal sword, how about a bat’leth or lightsaber? A shot-gun gets replaced by a clumsy blaster or phaser rifle? Or maybe, to get super cool we go with Duncan McClouds katana! That’s right. I dug so deep I hit Adrian Paul.


Drinks: As I said before, the alcohol would be important. Klingon Blood Wine maybe? Romulan ale? As long as they have Imperial Stormtrooper Stout on tap, I’m in.

Games: Obviously, it being a nerd bar and all, games will be offered to keep busy nerds buried in RPG or sci-fi minutiae. But what games, you ask? Obviously, some good d20’s would be for sale. And much like darts, if you want to borrow the bars dice you gotta leave your license with the bartender. It should also have assorted classic games like Pacman, Load Runner or Joust available. And if you’re really lucky, maybe even Galaga.

pacman table
from http://inhabitat.com/pacman-dining-table/

Posters: now we’re moving into less subtle territory. A Starship Troopers poster would be way too obvious. But the ‘Firefly’ one below as well as some classics, like ‘Soylent Green’ or ‘Plan 9 from Outer Space’ I feel we could pull off without making normal folk feel weirded out. Especially since the ‘Serenity’ one is in German. Sci-five!

Serenity, The Day the Earth Stood Still & Plan 9 From Outer Space






  1. I’m not going to lie… the best thing about this article was the bartender wearing that extremely snug Ghostbusters tank top (See above… again, and again, and…)

    I also think there needs to be some Ecto-Cooler available at this fine establishment. Just my 0.02 ($67.32 adjusted for inflation)

  2. I agree w/Hayden about the tank top…that, and I have a penchant for the color red. As I type this my words are disappearing behind the video post on the right of the comments box. I’m looking at the face of frustrated cpotential customer of some mall somewhere (was that in Canada, btw?)… he freaks me out! Pretty delusional and paranoid if you ask me (which you aren’t but I’ll tell you anyway)! Happy Sait Patty’s Day!!

  3. nerds, girls, alcohol and retro video games and posters? sounds like winning to me. and bartenders in tight ghostbusters tank tops dont hurt either! you could even have air-powered “swoosh” doors that go into the bathroom and stuff, and of course the most awesome would be an r2d2 drink server like on the san barge bringing drinks. oh… and maybe a couple of green girls as bar backs, but no Mos Eisley bar music, im getting kinda tired of that same song lol

    1. Dig the swoosh doors for the bathrooms! They should be sturdy though…you know…for when drunk nerds crash into them. Droid servers would also be excellent, know someone who can build them?? 😉

  4. Technically it’s “Imperial Stout Trooper” and not “Imperial Stormtrooper Stout”.

    I, too, am all for the sexy bartender.

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