Star Trek Into Darkness Reviewed

HNG Star Trek Into Darkness

So many nerdy posters but not a single Star Trek one to be found

I know that this review crazy late but I’ve been dealing with some stuff that I might write about later so… c’est la vie, mes chers amis!

There isn’t much in this world that I love more than Star Trek. It excites and inspires me like nothing else. I managed to see Star Trek Into Darkness twice before opening day. My coworker convinced me to enter a costume contest that a local news station was having so I submitted this picture at the last minute and ended up winning the grand prize. No one was more surprised than me, let me tell you! My prize was VIP tickets to a Wednesday night showing, $80 in concessions, and a gift bag full of Star Trek Into Darkness goodies like a sweatshirt, t-shirt, poster, fake tattoos, cups, and some kind of Bluetooth device that I haven’t figured out yet. So I took my Mama and stood at the concession counter while two employees ran around collecting $80 worth of Red Vines and Junior Mints. Then I saw it again with my friends at a Thursday night preview. Both times were in 3D and I will probably see it again in 2D just for the heck of it.

*WARNING: I usually try really hard not to spoil things but I can’t help it when it comes to anything Star Trek related and I spoil the shit out of this so beware. Also, it’s been out a week so you should have seen it by now.


A brief synopsis: Starfleet’s been doing pretty swell since Nero got knocked down but a new threat has emerged and no one seems to know how or why, just that he’s blowing shit up and they want him to stop. It’s up to Kirk and his crew to stop this one man Army using whatever means necessary. They think they’ve accomplished this task until Robocop shows up and turns out not to be such a good guy after all. 72 Augmenticles, 2 starships, a few thousand lens flares, and a half-naked baby mama later and our favorite alternate reality crew is finally off on their five year mission and a third movie.

Kirk (Chris Pine) has the Enterprise. Kirk loses the Enterprise. Kirk gets the Enterprise back. Enterprise loses Kirk. Enterprise gets Kirk back. Some would call this a better love story than Twilight. But I digress. Kirk is riding pretty high at the beginning of this movie. He pretty much thinks he’s invincible and it’s up to Admiral Pike to knock him down a few pegs (or Peggs…?) Just as soon as the message sinks in he’s thrust back into being a rock star and has to save the day from enemies on two fronts. You’d think being thrown out of a trash chute with a genetically engineered superman would humble the dude. It doesn’t, but he learns a lot and by the end of the movie he gets a bit philosophical, saying “revenge is not who we are.” A nice little twist of the “revenge is a dish best served cold” bit of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Speaking of twists…Kirk and Spock’s little sacrificial switch-a-roo kind of annoyed me the first time I saw it. The second time I saw it I appreciated it more even though…..

……Spock’s redux of the famous (and infamous) “KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!” call was only slightly less cheesy than Kirk’s original. Is it just me, or was Spock way too emotional in this movie? Don’t get me wrong, I lurv me some Zachary Quinto, missing earflaps and all, but the crying and the talking about the feelings and the anger were all very un-Spock-like. Like everyone else, I applauded when Spock Prime (Leonard Nimoy) Skyped in to break his own rule and discuss how his crew defeated Khan “at great cost.” I hope he shows up in every post-JJ-era Star Trek flick. Spock got some of the coolest scenes in the whole movie. In addition to fighting with a volcano, Khan, Uhura, and some Klingons, he got to use all his Vulcan tricks: nerve pinches, mind-melds, and leaping great distances in a single bound. His moments with Kirk were especially comedic.

Uhura (Zoe Saldana) got to be pretty badass in this movie. She stood up to the Klingons and swooped in to save the day when her boyfriend (who she also fought with) was taking a beating. Alternate universe Uhura is turning into the mama bear of the crew. She’s got a fierceness and a gentleness about her that exist in relatively perfect harmony. Her feistiness probably wouldn’t fly in a real-life military but for the movies it’s entertaining to watch her throw her earpiece across the bridge’s console.

McCoy and the metaphors! Bones (Karl Urban) spit out so many that it was almost – ALMOST – too much. He’s lucky I love metaphors, bad puns, and cheesy lines. I drew the line at “Damnit Spock, I’m a Doctor not a torpedo technician!” That was, in fact, too far. However, the scene where he’s trying to examine Kirk on the sly was absolute perfection.

Scotty (Simon Pegg) is running. He just thought you should know. Pegg is an absolute and sorely underutilized gem. He’s got more to do than he did in Star Trek (2009) but he needs more scenes to chew on because, my God, the man spits out gold every time he opens his mouth. He’s a little pissed off in this movie. First his ship is submerged in salt water, then transporter technology that he created is being used and abused, then he’s forced to resign his commission over a morality dispute, then “One day he’s been off this ship. One day!” and it’s falling apart. Still, he plays a huge part in saving the day and Kirk declares him “a miracle worker.” Poor guy needs some scotch and a foot massage. His friend Keenser (Deep Roy) pulls a Major “King” Kong and straddles a torpedo but disappears before the real action begins.

Sadly, Sulu (John Cho) doesn’t have much to do in this movie, with one major exception. He gets to sit in the Captain’s chair for a while and deliver an announcement to Khan full of truly epic badassery. It’s intimidating and unexpected enough that Bones (having previously underestimated him) looks over and says “remind me never to piss you off.”

On the other hand, Chekov (Anton Yelchin) gets slightly more to do. When Scotty resigns, Chekov gets promoted (?) to Chief Engineer and looks truly aghast when Kirk orders him to “put on a red shirt.” He spends most of his time running around with a nifty pair of goggles on (I don’t remember seeing anyone else in Engineering with goggles, but meh).

The good guys are rounded out by a new addition, Dr. Carol Marcus (Alice Eve). She’s the daughter of Admiral Marcus and the future mother of Kirk’s son, David (if this timeline follows the original timeline). She’s got a gratuitous but not at all offensive (not to me at least, I thought the scene was funny) moment in her underwear and a scream reminiscent of a velociraptor.

Benedict Cumberbatch can do no wrong. Even his name is amazing. I’m a MAJOR Sherlock fan (though I draw the line at Cumberbitch fangirl status thankyouverymuch) and while, yes, BC is very handsome, I’m far more attracted to his fantastic acting chops. He definitely does not disappoint here. He relishes every line of dialogue and every facial expression. He expresses more in a sideways glance then some actors do in an entire movie *coughcoughKristenStewartcoughcough* I’m seriously considering referring to him as Benedict Skullcrusher from now on. Also, did anyone else notice that he turns into Emo Khan when he’s fighting?

In the movie Khan declares that he’s better than everyone in every way. But he doesn’t really explain why. So if you’re a Star Trek virgin, you’re probably wondering why he’s so much better. Allow me to fill you in: way back in 1992 (you remember, right?) genetically engineered super humans developed a superiority complex and decided to take over the world. They managed to take over about 40% of it with Khan Noonien Singh as their absolute ruler. This resulted in a series of conflicts called the Eugenics or Great Wars. The normal old boring humans managed to defeat the “Augments” in 1996 but about 80 of them, including Khan, went missing until they were discovered in suspended animation aboard the SS Botany Bay by the crew of the USS Enterprise about 200 years later. Here’s how they are “better”: The Augments were designed to be remarkably agile, five times stronger than, and twice as intelligent as a normal human, resistant to sickness and with enhanced senses, possessing heart muscles twice as strong and lung efficiency 50% better. Their blood contained platelets capable of regenerating from any disease or toxin, which could be used to cure or revive medical subjects via transfusion. They also had twice the average lifespan. Even their resistance to energy weapons was improved, as it took multiple shots with a phase pistol to stun one. In combat, they were even capable of resisting a Vulcan nerve pinch and mind meld. Unfortunately, along with those awesome abilities comes a massive increase in aggression, ambition, and all around douchebaggery.

Speaking of douchebags…Admiral Alexander Marcus (Peter Weller) is one. Can’t quite figure out where you know him from? It’s Robocop. Sure, he’s been in a few things since then, but trust me, it’s Robocop. You’re welcome. You start off liking Admiral Marcus. He’s no-nonsense and doesn’t mind hearing what the youngins have to say. Then he goes and tries to start an intergalactic war with his brand new supership and you start to change your mind a little. Then he reveals that he’s been planning to murder craploads of innocent people just to further his agenda and you start to understand why Khan squeezed his head until his skull cracked open like a walnut.

To many folks Thomas Harewood (Noel Clarke) may seem like a minor character. Sure, he gets the action started by blowing up Section 31, but why should we care about him? Because he’s also Mickey Smith, former Companion to the Doctor who was, at one point, thrust into a parallel universe. He did make his way back to our universe eventually but who’s to say he didn’t get a hold of a vortex manipulator and find himself trapped in the 23rd century??

A few final notes:

I like the warp signature effect, even though it reminds me of “the more you know” NBC thing from when I was a kid, what with all the sparkles and tinkling and stuff.

When did the Starfleet uniforms get hats? I don’t ever remember hats but in this movie they were everywhere, especially when paired with the grey dress uniforms. Must be an alternate timeline thing.

The USS Bradbury. I can think of no greater honor.

42 people died when Harewood blew up Section 31. I just always feel the need to point out when the number 42 is used in anything.

The ash rain on Spock at the Daystrom Institute. It was very poetic.

Miss Jeanette (Aisha Hinds) from True Blood took over Navigation from Chekov. Every time I saw her I pictured a voodoo ceremony.

What happened to the red shirts who went with Kirk, Spock, and Uhura down to Kronos? They swapped out their red shirts for some generic leather jackets, made it to the surface and then were never seen again. I’m assuming they perished in the fight with the Klingons but when?? I like to know/see when Ensign Ricky bites the dust.

Carol mentions her friend Christine Chapel who got as far away from Kirk as she could and became a nurse. This is the second time Nurse Chapel has been mentioned in the new films but we still haven’t seen her.

Spock: “Our options are limited. We cannot fire and we cannot flee.” I LOL’d.

Khan’s speech on board the USS Vengeance was very in keeping with the original Khan.

The shot of the Enterprise regaining it’s thrusters and slowly rising through the clouds was GORGEOUS.

Whudda thunk that a noble Tribble would help to save the day? The shirt I wore the first time I saw it turned out to be very appropriate. Sometimes I’m psychic that way.

I happen to like the lense flares.

I got really excited by stuff like Section 31, pregnant Gorns, and a reference to the “Mudd Incident.”

It was nice to hear Chris Pine give the Star Trek shpeel with the “5 year mission” added back.

No one knew what to expect from the 2009 reboot. Thankfully, it turned out to be magical with just the right amount of inside Trekkie jokes for those in the know. They attempted to recapture that magic here and, to be honest, they just tried too hard at times. They are definitely focusing more on action than substance, which in some ways is a shame because that’s not what Star Trek is all about. It’s about diplomacy and exploration first and violence as a last resort. The conversation between Kirk and Scotty over the torpedoes addressed that which I was grateful for, but the big explosions and fighting cheapen it just a little. That being said, I’m a big fan of action and it’s also helping to attract a crowd that normally wouldn’t give Star Trek the time of day so I appreciate the contribution it’s making to the fandom. The more fans the merrier! It means that much more Star Trek for me in the future 🙂

And so ends my review of The Wrath of Khan 2.0. What did you think of the movie?

4 out of 5 Sci-Fives! (for once my Sci-Five graphic is 100% appropriate)


If you like pictures like this:

Then don’t forget to buy a calendar! It’s got every nerdy holiday you can imagine, plus a super handy convention calendar, and some never-before-seen pictures that will never, ever be seen anywhere else. I know it’s May but it’s worth it to get the 2013 calendar. Besides, if I don’t sell these, then there probably won’t be one next year so, ya know…buy one  Since it’s May, they’re super discounted (I promise you I’m not making a fortune off of them) and the price includes taxes and shipping within the US and Canada (if you live outside of the US/Canada then email me at AND I’ll sign it if you want.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *