Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl: Lembas Bread

Everything looks better with pixels

Well, I’m on vacation in New York with a wonky internet connection (hence the lovely pixelized pictures) but it seems I just can’t quit you guys. That’s right, it’s time for another installment of Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl!

This time around I’m attempting to make Lembas Bread. 

Key word: attempting.

If you don’t know what Lembas Bread is then allow me to enlighten you.  It’s from The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. It’s made by the Elves and given to the Fellowship to feed them on their journey to Mordor.

First, a disclaimer.

When I first saw this recipe I got so excited that I only read the ingredients, not the directions.

HUGE rookie mistake and yet ANOTHER reason why HNG = epic fail in the kitchen.

At least I had fun while failing

I wish now that I had tried the recipe on the website that shows you how to make the leaf wrappings because it fits my idea of Lembas Bread better and doesn’t require special machinery that no one but the Italian Grandma down the street could possibly have in their kitchen. Seriously? A pizzelle press? Give me a break. Plus, the recipe was missing steps.  Really, it was just a disaster waiting to happen.

Anyhooters, here is my utterly ridiculous attempt to make Lembas Bread. Now where’s Tosh.0 so I can get my web redemption?

*side note: keep watching after the credits, I added a little bonus clip at the end.


So all of you who suggested that I give baking a try…now you know why that’s probably not the best idea.

Here’s the recipe from The Geeky Chef, but again, I suggest you try the other recipe first.  I think that I will try that other one just so that I can attempt to redeem myself.  I’ll let you know how that works out for me.

3 eggs1 c. honey3 fruits of the Mallorn tree (kumquats)2 tsp. orange blossom or rose water (optional)

3 oz. chopped almonds or macadamia nuts

¼ c. melted butter

2 ¼ c. flour

½ tsp. salt


Put the eggs, honey, kumquats, rose or orange flower water, and nuts in a food processor or blender. Blend on high for 2-4 minutes. Add 1 cup of the flour. Blend for a minute or two. Put mixture into a bowl and add the remaining flour and the salt. Whisk or stir until well blended. Bake lembas on a pizzelle or iron about 15 seconds each or until lightly brown. Cut into desired sized pieces. Wrap in a leaf and tie with a string!

I smile whenever I'm plotting the demise of people who come up with stupid and incomplete recipes.

Previous installments of Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl:




3 responses to “Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl: Lembas Bread”

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  2. […] The rest of the desserts included Star Wars cookies, chocolate hazelnut and french vanilla lightsabers, Star Wars lollipops (a perk of having your birthday near Valentine’s Day), Nerds candy (which myself and several other people thought was hilarious), and Lembas Bread (donuts wrapped in “mallorn leaves” NOT the Lembas Bread that I ridiculously attempted to make here). […]

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